Advice I’m Not Going To Give My Tightly Wound Friend

Don’t get me wrong, I love her [now referred to as Jessica] to death, she has been a great friend to me, but talking to her these past few weeks has made me realize some things about her as well as our friendship.

Let’s start with yesterday.

So, Jessica got in town the day before yesterday and I told her she could stay at my place. She slept over and in the morning, I had to take her to campus at 7AM which was fine with me because I would be up anyway. I went to classes, had a stressful day, and went home tired and wanting to be alone. My friend took the bus to my apartment and I had to go run errands, so I told her that and she said that was fine. By the time I got back, she was passed out asleep – she had a really long day and I knew she was tired. Once I was done doing things around the apartment, I had to leave again because I had made commitments. I decided to not wake Jessica up because in my world, waking people up, when they don’t need to be woken up, is rude. Well I go to campus and wait there for my commitment that I made. I texted Jessica that I was leaving so that she would know not to wait up.

Evidently that was a really rude thing to do because she became livid. Mad that I didn’t wake her up and mad that I left her alone to entertain herself. I told her she could come to campus and it isn’t like she didn’t know anyone in town, she used to live here, she has other friends, and I had a commitment. But that isn’t acceptable. God forbid I have things I need to do.

By the time I got back, she was gone doing something with a friend, so why did she get pissed in the first place?

This morning:

Jessica was on the phone with her pharmacy and was trying to figure out a prescription deal. She ended up not being able to get it filled and she got so upset. I understand that that is disappointing, and that when plans change or don’t go through, it sucks. I really do understand that, I was taken out of school and had to change my life, I understand plans getting messed up. But she got in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

I was driving us to get breakfast and we pulled up to a stoplight that had been on red. Not two seconds after it turned red, Jessica started yelling at the car in front of us for not going, or at least not accelerating fast enough. I couldn’t understand why she was yelling so I told her to calm down, that it the light had been green for no time at all, that there was no reason to be mad, and she responded by calling the driver an idiot. I still do not understand that.

At breakfast, we were talking about people, and my other friend, George, came up. Jessica frequently likes to tell me that George is a shitty friend. And yeah, I do vent to her about it when I am frustrated with him, and maybe he isn’t an amazing friend, but that is another story. Today something Jessica said about George at breakfast rubbed me the wrong way and I realized how black and white she sees the world. She made this assumption about George that I know for a fact to be false. It just bothered me that her assumption was so negative. She assumed that after I tell George I am not applying for a position in our organization that he would be horrible to me about it. But the thing is, I talked to him about his behavior regarding my future decision and I know for a fact that he is still going to be a good friend about it.

Jessica was also upset about the fact that I am trying to rebuild my friendship with George.

On our way back to the apartment, Jessica got mad at me twice. Once because I didn’t want to cut someone off in traffic and be more assertive and less patient. Then again when I told her that I didn’t like taking pain pills. [they aren’t good for your body in the long term, they only offer a tiny amount of relief, and I already take a shit ton of medicine so it really is not good for my liver]. She thought I was an idiot and refused to even try to understand why I didn’t want to take any at the time. She has such a narrow mind. She once insulted George by picking out some of his tendencies that have stressed our friendship and defined him as a Liberal because of those things. I am “a liberal”. I don’t think she knows that.

I don’t think she knows much about me. I do think she has been having a negative impact on my friendship with George.

I would give her the advice to just let life happen and to not sweat the little things. If you want to hang out with a co worker, instigate it. Accept other people for who they are, their opinions, their beliefs, etc.. Try to understand where people are coming from. Accept change and adversity. Go with the flow of life.

If I gave this advice to her, she would tell me that I am in the wrong. That she does all of these things already.

After seeing all of these things she does, I’ve made a step towards detoxing my life. I’m not going to let her influence me so much and I’m going to keep renewing my life.

Life Detox – I Need To Fix Me

Everyone has their quirks, granted some may be more tiring than others. That being said, sometimes we need to evaluate them and our lives.

People can have good quirks that make us who we are, and we can have quirks that possibly make some of us harder people┬áto be around. Sometimes we have a mixture of both. I believe that if we want to improve the quality of our lives and the quality of the friends we have, we need to begin inside – with our quirks.

I started noticing that friends would want to hang out with me less, that people liked me less, that people wouldn’t help me with favors, and that – when I gripped on tighter – they would pull away more.

Why was this? I asked myself. What had I done?

After, months of this, I’d finally had an epiphany. Not a good one, an honest one. People were growing tired of my attitude, my state of mind, my neediness, and my negativity. I’d been an energy vampire, and no one wants to be around that.

I decided that if I want to fix my friendships, then I need to fix me.

A big problem with my friendships, I’ve noticed, is my negativity. Negativity can be really annoying and it can drain the people around you. No one wants to be around someone negative, so why should I be that someone? I need to change. I can’t say I’m depressed, and I can’t say I’m not. Either way, I won’t use that as a scapegoat; I need to hold myself accountable around my friends. They are my friends, not my therapists.

My first move toward being positive, will be to remove the negative things in my life, at least as many as I can, step by step.

How I go about this is not certain to me yet. What I start with is also not very clear. All I know is that, for now, I can fake it till I make it.