So He’s Just Not That Into You…

There are multiple scenarios that can happen in these situations. You fell in love with your best friend and the feelings weren’t returned. You went on a couple dates and you thought it was going somewhere but they apparently weren’t. You have been pining after this guy at work and finally muster up that courage to find that he is by no means interested. This scenario is always the same just with different facades. How they happen runs along one of the same stories, but our responses to them can vary greatly. If there is anything I have learned in these situations it’s that you can’t keep being rejected from happening, but you can control how you react to it.

One way I have seen people react is via getting livid with the other party, trying to delete them from their own lives to create the satisfaction of winning. This is the wrong response. All you are proving is how immature you are. It is never necessary to remove someone from your life unless they are going out of their way to be toxic to you. If you grow to realize that the other party had no choice in not liking you, then you will learn to reserve your anger for another day, and move on. Hard feelings never get us anywhere.

Another way I have seen people respond is through pining harder. You get rejected once, but surely if you just stick around and show how hard you are trying and how dedicated you are, he will turn things around, right? No. It only appears as you are desperate and unwilling to accept facts. He’s just not in like with you, that is likely how it is going to stay. So instead, try to move on and prevent further damage.

There are however, many more appropriate ways to handle the situation. The first step you take is defining the relationship. You need to ask “Is this relationship going to happen, or will it never happen?” You need to do so so that you can get the hard “no”, and not be strung along. Once the hard no has been given, thats it, you will never be with this person. Once you get the hard no, you need to accept it. This can be the hardest part. You just have to learn that there is no point trying anymore because it is a lost cause, and there is probably a better relationship out there for you anyway, you just have to keep looking. Lastly, move on. There is no reason to be bitter, things just happen the way they are supposed to happen. The sooner you accept this the sooner you can be happy. You could even remain friends with the other party if you can move on.

The most common thing I have seen online on how to get over a guy is to delete him from your life completely, I don’t think that’s the case. You can do just as well by accepting and taking time and moving on. There ARE more fish in the sea.

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How to Find the One in College

Everyone when they start reaching these years in their life starts to wonder when they can stop being single and when they can stop dating the wrong people. There is no solid answer to this question however, I can give you advice.

These days in our lives are not meant for wasting so we don’t want to waste time with Mr. or Miss Wrong when “The One” could be right around the corner. These days are the days for finding the special one you could see yourself spending years or even the rest of your life with. These are the days when you find your soulmate. So, why is it so hard? That, I also don’t definitively know. It might be because we make it so hard. People are too finicky about who they date, and dating typically means something different than it should. I also believe you can find your soulmate in the most random places. Now, let me give you the best advice I can muster up.

1. Dating is meant for multiple people. You do not have to reserve dating for a significant other, if you are single or still looking, then go on dates with multiple people to find out who and what type of person you like. You can often be misled by solely looks or certain aspects of a person, but honestly, you might find your soulmate in someone you would have never expected. So keep dating around, that is what college is meant for, and this way you get to sample a larger portion of the goods.

2. Don’t be afraid to consider your best friends. To be honest, the person you want to marry will be someone you can be best friends for life with. That is one way you know it will work out, if you can be both best friends and significant others. More often than not, people will be afraid of losing the friendship or ruining it by trying to date, but if you are truly best friends, then you should be able to accept that it didn’t work out and mend the friendship. However, be careful in considering your best friends, because you need to evaluate if it would even work based on your personalities before you offer up the option. If you are not as close as you think you are, then talks of ‘crushes’ could actually mess things up, but do not let that deter you.

3. Do not be hung up on looks. Frankly, for me, personality is way more important. I believe not in love at first sight (shallowness), but the growth of soul mates, which is a deeper connection than just a physical attraction. If you truly love a person, then the looks will truly not matter to you.

4. Do not rush things. This relationship is going to take time to develop, and if you rush things, it could be ruined. Perfect relationships need time to develop or else they are not perfect. You need to take time to learn the ins and outs of the person, learn how to be with them and what makes them tick. Being in a relationship isn’t easy, but it could be once you take time to learn the other person.

5. Do not look for the relationship. The relationship will come to you if you just remain open to that possibility. Take time to live life, be happy, learn things, find yourself, and learn to love yourself. You can’t truly love another person until you can learn to love yourself. Loving yourself can be the hardest thing to do, so once you have mastered that, it will be a piece of cake to love someone else. Most of the time, the relationship will just come to you if you go with the flow of life and follow your heart. Don’t get me wrong, you will need to put effort in to getting in a relationship, just don’t try too hard.

6. Truly be yourself. You won’t find your true love by getting them to fall for someone that you aren’t. If you do, then later in life, once you get comfortable, they will find that they don’t know you anymore, which can lead to the end of a relationship. Be real with the person, and they will be real with you.

I hope that this has offered some help in teaching you how to find “The One” in college. Don’t be dismayed though if you don’t find them while you are in college; sometimes waiting will show you who you would have missed out on. I believe that there is a soulmate for everyone, and I believe that if you do things right, you will find them.

Marvelous McKenzie answers your questions:

Okay the title is a little ridiculous, but this is the first of many posts to my advice column. Yay! So here we go! A reader under the pseudonym: Caroline has sent in this question:

Dear McKenzie,

So I’ve been dating this guy, and we’ve been dating for a really long time. Lately I feel like he’s been pressuring me to have sex with him for the first time. I’m in college and all my friends have done it, but I still don’t feel ready. What should I do?

Caroline

Well Caroline, firstly, I have to say that to some, sex is no big deal and that is perfectly okay. To others, sex is a big deal and should be cherished, that is perfectly okay too. What is not okay is for you to be pressured into doing something you don’t want to do, or feel like you would regret it. Just because something seems cool or that it would make others like you more doesn’t necessarily mean it is the right thing for YOU.

It seems to me that if you don’t feel ready, then you aren’t, so stand your ground and say no, if he really loves you, he will respect that and wait for when the time comes that you want sex too.

If you do decide to have sex with him, here are some things to keep in mind

1. Use some form of birth control. No excuses.

2. Use STD/STI protection. Also no excuses.

3. Relax, if this is special to you, it is important not to have this time ruined by nerves, you want it to be fun.

4. If things get uncomfortable, or you start to feel at all like you are doing something you don’t want to be doing, say no. If he doesn’t listen, knee him in the jewels and if you can’t get out of it, seek further help for statutory rape.

5. If you have to file a rape claim, just do it and do not let fear of repercussions from doing so keep you from doing it, because you are protected.

6. Finally, if you decide you like sex and think it’s fun and want to do it a lot, go for it and don’t feel ashamed; slut shaming is wrong and unacceptable.

I hope my advice seems fit to this, but to answer your initial question, if you don’t feel ready, stick to your guns and say no until you are ready because this is about YOU so screw (figuratively or literally) everyone else and their opinions. YOU DO YOU BOO BOO

XO McKenzie