Dress Codes Teach More Than Discipline

I’m going to start by saying that this post might just piss some of you off. I’m willing to accept that and hear your complaints. However, I am not changing my stance on extreme dress codes. This is going to be one of my very few, very biased, posts – if not my only one.

There are so many things wrong with the way dress codes are implemented in today’s schooling system.

I have seen so many arguments for dress codes. “Back in my day…” “Teaches professionalism…” “Teaches discipline…” etc. etc. etc.. Well, in my very biased opinion, those arguments aren’t wholly accurate or relevant any more.

Let’s talk about the “back in my day” argument. Yes, I suppose back in your day it was probably fair at your school in your specific situation. I’m also sure you didn’t have any problem with your school’s dress code. That’s really great, for you, and the gender equality you think you see in today’s world. I don’t know what your dress code was, I don’t know if it was equal, but the individual circumstance isn’t what matters NOW. Hell, for a short while I thought the dress codes at my schools were gender equal. They weren’t.

Hear me out. When I was in 5th grade. When I was pre-pubescent and 9 years old. In ’05 When children were children. When I had the illusion that girls and boys were equal. The “fair and equal” dress code wasn’t so equal anymore. It was picture day, and I was so proud of my cute little jean jacket and spaghetti strap tank top with the rhinestones on it. It was such a cute outfit and I loved it. My class had just finished taking pictures and we were in back in the classroom when I felt really hot so I took off my jacket. Next thing I knew, my teacher comes to me and tells me to put my jacket on. “But I’m hot” I said. Mrs. Whatever-her-name-was told me that that didn’t matter and that I needed to put my jacket back on so that I wouldn’t distract the boys. The 5th grade, 9 & 10 year old boys.

There’s something wrong with assuming that 10 year olds sexualize girls’ shoulders.

That being said, that was JUST MY experience, which would later be followed by strict bans on yoga pants, athletic shorts, racer-back tank tops, visible bra straps, any kind of visible midriff, and any tank tops with straps that were thinner than two inches. Meanwhile, the boys could get away with virtually anything.

What is more important is that this sort of thing is happening around the country and across borders. You can find so many stories of girls being sent home, or kept from doing their class work because what they’re wearing will distract the boys and the male teachers. That is unnecessarily sexualizing humans that just want to be comfortable and learn. Instead of penalizing a girl for being ‘distracting’ to boys and encouraging rape culture. Instead of teaching young women that what they are wearing is asking for it, or begging to get in trouble, maybe we should teach young men that girls aren’t objects and to not get distracted so easily by shoulders.

If girls can control themselves and not get distracted by shoulders, so can boys.

As for teaching discipline, I would rather see young women everywhere being taught to be more focused on their classes and going to school than being restricted from learning because of what they wear. I’m tired of seeing girls getting trained to dress a certain way to cater to men and other people who might get distracted. I want to see boys and male teachers have discipline and not sexualizing girls and how they dress.

And professionalism: we ALL know that there will be a dress code in the professional world that even men have to follow. That doesn’t mean we, as young women, need to be punished and the men babied, when we dress comfortably.

If you want to prepare our generation for professionalism, that means BOTH BOYS AND GIRLS.

Right now men are growing up sexualizing women, and in the work place – that is NOT OKAY. Today women everywhere are conducting business while being looked down on by her male peers because she is a woman. When we raise children, teens, and young adults in an unequal environment, i.e. an unbalanced dress code, we are fostering the growth of adults who will maintain that inequality in the future, be it in the workplace or in their own children’s lives. That is not okay. If we want to see change, we need to start with the way we act and the way we raise our children.

Rant = Over.

If you want to read a really cool BuzzFeed article about the fight against ridiculous dress codes, follow this.

Advice I’m Not Going To Give My Tightly Wound Friend

Don’t get me wrong, I love her [now referred to as Jessica] to death, she has been a great friend to me, but talking to her these past few weeks has made me realize some things about her as well as our friendship.

Let’s start with yesterday.

So, Jessica got in town the day before yesterday and I told her she could stay at my place. She slept over and in the morning, I had to take her to campus at 7AM which was fine with me because I would be up anyway. I went to classes, had a stressful day, and went home tired and wanting to be alone. My friend took the bus to my apartment and I had to go run errands, so I told her that and she said that was fine. By the time I got back, she was passed out asleep – she had a really long day and I knew she was tired. Once I was done doing things around the apartment, I had to leave again because I had made commitments. I decided to not wake Jessica up because in my world, waking people up, when they don’t need to be woken up, is rude. Well I go to campus and wait there for my commitment that I made. I texted Jessica that I was leaving so that she would know not to wait up.

Evidently that was a really rude thing to do because she became livid. Mad that I didn’t wake her up and mad that I left her alone to entertain herself. I told her she could come to campus and it isn’t like she didn’t know anyone in town, she used to live here, she has other friends, and I had a commitment. But that isn’t acceptable. God forbid I have things I need to do.

By the time I got back, she was gone doing something with a friend, so why did she get pissed in the first place?

This morning:

Jessica was on the phone with her pharmacy and was trying to figure out a prescription deal. She ended up not being able to get it filled and she got so upset. I understand that that is disappointing, and that when plans change or don’t go through, it sucks. I really do understand that, I was taken out of school and had to change my life, I understand plans getting messed up. But she got in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

I was driving us to get breakfast and we pulled up to a stoplight that had been on red. Not two seconds after it turned red, Jessica started yelling at the car in front of us for not going, or at least not accelerating fast enough. I couldn’t understand why she was yelling so I told her to calm down, that it the light had been green for no time at all, that there was no reason to be mad, and she responded by calling the driver an idiot. I still do not understand that.

At breakfast, we were talking about people, and my other friend, George, came up. Jessica frequently likes to tell me that George is a shitty friend. And yeah, I do vent to her about it when I am frustrated with him, and maybe he isn’t an amazing friend, but that is another story. Today something Jessica said about George at breakfast rubbed me the wrong way and I realized how black and white she sees the world. She made this assumption about George that I know for a fact to be false. It just bothered me that her assumption was so negative. She assumed that after I tell George I am not applying for a position in our organization that he would be horrible to me about it. But the thing is, I talked to him about his behavior regarding my future decision and I know for a fact that he is still going to be a good friend about it.

Jessica was also upset about the fact that I am trying to rebuild my friendship with George.

On our way back to the apartment, Jessica got mad at me twice. Once because I didn’t want to cut someone off in traffic and be more assertive and less patient. Then again when I told her that I didn’t like taking pain pills. [they aren’t good for your body in the long term, they only offer a tiny amount of relief, and I already take a shit ton of medicine so it really is not good for my liver]. She thought I was an idiot and refused to even try to understand why I didn’t want to take any at the time. She has such a narrow mind. She once insulted George by picking out some of his tendencies that have stressed our friendship and defined him as a Liberal because of those things. I am “a liberal”. I don’t think she knows that.

I don’t think she knows much about me. I do think she has been having a negative impact on my friendship with George.

I would give her the advice to just let life happen and to not sweat the little things. If you want to hang out with a co worker, instigate it. Accept other people for who they are, their opinions, their beliefs, etc.. Try to understand where people are coming from. Accept change and adversity. Go with the flow of life.

If I gave this advice to her, she would tell me that I am in the wrong. That she does all of these things already.

After seeing all of these things she does, I’ve made a step towards detoxing my life. I’m not going to let her influence me so much and I’m going to keep renewing my life.

Freshman 15 My Ass

Straight to my ass, that is.

Also I got another sophomore 10 to add on to that…

I was a cute little 5’4″ teeny bopper that weighed a whopping 125 pounds, that fit into size 3 clothing, and called herself fat all the time, without ever having to work out. EVER.

If I could go back to my high school years, I would probably beat myself up for calling myself fat, and then train her (me?) to work out daily and keep in shape. Because now I am still the 5’4″ goddess I am, but with 25 extra pounds added on top of that. That’s right, In the span of two years, I have grown to around 150, and I’m not at all happy about it. But I have nothing and no one to blame it on but myself. I say that it’s time to work my ass off in the gym every day, and I mean that very literally. All my weight tends to spread itself out around my body, but then concentrates in my butt and thighs. So, yeah, I want to work my ass off.

I bought myself this fancy bathroom scale that tells me my bmi, body fat percentage, and other fun things. I’m going to be using that to monitor my weight loss and according to this baby, I deserve a little + sign. That means I’m over weight, with regards to my body fat percentage. Insert sarcastic whoop here.

So, Im on my way to work out every day, my plan is to lose the weight I’ve gained, and keep the weight off.

Wish me luck!

What Am I Doing With My Life?

Apparently, nothing.

Nothing at all.

The time is 1:00 PM and I’m sitting here in the campus library’s Starbucks literally doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. I have a final tomorrow night that I haven’t studied for, I have two sets of homework due by midnight tonight that I haven’t barely studied. Yet, I am doing nothing.

You might think by “nothing” that I actually mean “surfing social media” etc.. You are wrong. I’ve been sitting here since 11 and all I’ve done was send birthday texts, get brunch and a latte, and take three quizzes on BuzzFeed on my phone. Oh, and I’ve been listening to music on my phone. But, yeah, that’s all. Super productive, right?

So I’m sitting here wondering what exactly AM I doing with my life. I’m going to college, which is hard, and I ask myself why all the time. The answer is typically: “So that I can be an aerospace engineer for NASA or SpaceX.” (Preferably SpaceX because NASA is controlled by the government). Then I ask myself why I even want to do that.

The answer has always been (since my junior year in high school): “So that I can change the world and make steps towards it being possible for human kind to inhabit another planet in another solar system by the time the sun expands and swallows the Earth.” Okay, but why do I care and want to do that?

That would have to be, in the simplest terms, “Because I feel like it.” Honestly, that doesn’t sound like a great reason, but, I do care a lot about doing that with my life. So, why am I sitting here doing absolutely nothing? Maybe it is because I’ve burned myself out, during the beginning of the semester, I was studying 24/7, but now I’m almost too tired to get out of bed, ever. I haven’t made it to my chemistry class in so long that I don’t even remember the last time I went. I’m sitting here exhausted, and I’m going to keep doing nothing. I’m sure I’ll make it through college and graduate, but for now, for these next couple hours, I want to do more nothing. When I decide to motivate myself, I’ll do it “because I feel like it”.

So that’s what I’m doing with my life. Nothing. But that nothing will eventually be a whole lot of nothing.

Do You Ever Want To Just Run Away?

Scene: All of your work is building up on you, your due dates are closing in fast, and your social life is all but null. There is so much going on in your life that you have to actually check your planner to see if you can fit any free time in. Even though you seem to do it anyway. You have meetings scheduled over meetings and your time management has gone out the door. Somehow, you manage to get by.

Wouldn’t you just want to skip town and quit worrying about every little thing? Just relax for a bit? I would, and today, I did.

School has been piling up, I am doing poorly on tests that I should be doing well on. I hardly have time to see people but somehow I still find a way to let time get away from me. I have so much to do and so little time to do. The sudden impact of this fact woke me up in a cold sweat this morning.

After experiencing what could only be considered a panic attack, I gathered up my stuff, and I drove.

I just up and left town, granted, I brought all of my school work with me and have been working on it for the past couple hours. Despite having to still work, the change in scenery is good and freshening to me. I no longer feel claustrophobic; thank God.

I went to the closest big city to me, picked one of the many local Starbucks, sat down and got to work. To be fairly honest, I didn’t pick the city, and to leave, very randomly. I happen to have a doctor’s appointment here later today. I wasn’t planning on leaving till 4 in the afternoon to make my way here, yet I left at 11 in the morning.

I have no regrets about skipping town, even though I should. It’s not great to miss class, but then again, it’s not great to be present in a panic.

One day, I recommend you take a spontaneous road trip just to get away. Besides, you only live once so you might as well seize the day every so often.

Till next time, dear followers

Hella Long Hiatus: Over. (update)

Sort of.

So my last post was almost a half a year ago… Time flies when you are caught up with existence.

Actually, more than a long time.

It has been an infinite amount of infinities.

Everything has gone by so terrifyingly fast and I just now am starting to catch up, but at the same time I am increasingly falling behind. So much has changed and so much is changing. November seems like forever ago.

Here’s an update on my life since I have last posted.

I’m back at school! WHOOP! This is one thing that I have been most excited about, I spent that semester off and I was with my best friends, but now I’m in my home away from home. Since being here I have noticed that I am no longer the same person that I was a year ago. I am much more mature, responsible, and happy.

Last year I was in this wonderful organization and I was broken-hearted when I had to leave it. My time in that organization gave me a family, and a true best friend. That best friend and I were partnered to work together on projects, activities, and such. Through that we grew close and he became so special and important to me.

Well, I was blessed to be given a second chance in this organization, as was Best Friend. However, while we are both in the same organization, it is so big that we don’t get to work together again, which is fair but makes me overthink our relationship because he has a new partner in crime. But that is another story for another day. Anyhow, I am ecstatic about being able to re-join the loudest and proudest organization at my university.

I’ve been doing semi-okay in my classes, I suppose. My classes are hard though so I’m basically going through hell dealing with at least one test each week the whole semester.

On a more serious note, I have gotten a lot healthier. But, while I got healthier, my mom has gotten sicker. In December, my mother was diagnosed with cancer (something of the sarcoma sort), so needless to say, my family does not have the best of luck with health. Things have just started (the chemo, the medications, etc.) recently though, so we will see how things go.

There is surely more I can mention, and surely less that I could have mentioned, but life moves on, so will I, so will you, and so will everyone and everything else. So we will get to talk about the more, we will get to forget about the less, and we will just keep moving.

Till next time.

All the Small Things: What it’s Like to Live With Anxiety

As many of you may know, I have lived with anxiety. It is something a lot of people who truly have diagnosable anxiety can relate to, however, some simply can’t. It’s easy to tell a person to just get over something, or to stop worrying. What some people don’t get is: that doesn’t work. A lot of people may find it difficult to have a loved one with anxiety. So, I am dedicating this post to describing what it’s like to live with anxiety, and how to live with a loved one with anxiety.

Have you ever, in your adult life curled up into a ball relentlessly crying and wailing because of something that gives you horrible thoughts and anxieties? Have you ever not been able to move on in life, because you are stuck worrying about things? Have you ever been irrationally needy in your life relationships? Have you ever been too anxious to finish a project? If so, you might have anxiety problems. (seek professional help in officially determining and treating this).

It is often like this for people with anxiety. Everything worries you and you just can’t get over it and it could potentially be the end of the world, when really it’s not. Anxiety can be presented in many ways. I’ve so far listed the more severe ways in which it effects life. There are more minor ways it can effect life.

Being badly stressed is one way, the most common way it can affect life. I’m not talking about eustress or good stress or even semi bad stress. This is the stress that causes you to be stuck and cry and in general, freak out. To a normal person, one may have a project deadline that they are stressed about, but the stress influences them to get done. To the person with anxiety, they cannot work through the stress so easily.

Some effects of anxiety and presentations of anxiety include several things. Panic attacks are one, you can also experience neediness in your friendships and relationships, like I said, being badly stressed, even to the point of throwing up, eating disorders, and many other things. Having it and experiencing it are some of the hardest things to go through.

Having a loved one in your life with anxiety isn’t easy, in fact, it is extremely hard. You can’t relate, you can only hope to help yet you don’t always know how. Your loved one can never be truly OK and that wears on you more than you can imagine, trying to hold them up. All you can do is keep trying to empathize and do anything you can to help. Do not ever try to tell them to stop worrying, instead, just offer comfort. You can do many things, ask them questions, comfort them, reassure them, provide a stress free environment, and love them unconditionally. Sometimes, these loved ones just need your hand for holding.

It is hard living with anxiety or living with a loved one with anxiety. But all you can really do is keep moving on.

If you have anxiety or have a loved one with anxiety, how do you cope?

Musings of an Overly Needy Friend

Honestly, I have the ability to be a friend who can let you have your space and everything, but if I am at the slightest worried that I may lose your friendship and if I care about you as much as I do, then I become the neediest person alive.

As I sit here in this coffee shop, I am evaluating how to tell if a relationship is that of a two sided nature. I know the vast majority of mine are, but I have no idea about this one friendship. Is it me that is overreacting to the sparse communication? I can communicate sparsely with most people, but I am so terrified of growing apart from this person. Could it be all in my head? Do I need to wane my dependency issues? Probably.

I even recently read “How to be a best friend forever”, it woke me up to what all is needed to maintain a great friendship. There is a need of communication. But I am probably asking for too much. I try too hard for frequent contact with this person. Long distance friendships are hard. But nevertheless thoughts float through my head about how they aren’t putting in the equal effort to be in contact with me. Could it still be two sided? Or is it all in my mind and I am overly needy? Probably.

The Trials and Tribulations of ADD Testing

There is something to be said for the doctors that perform these tests, they have such patience that it bewilders me. I’m sitting through this five hour long test and I’ve barely made it through two and I wonder how she makes it through five on the regular. All these different tests and the evaluation of the results and even the paperwork that must follow. It bewilders me as I answer these questions about my psychology and my ability to do math and timed reading assessments. We will see how it turns out.

Life Hacks for Productivity via: Jessica Lawlor

I recently just found the blog run by Jessica Lawlor, I can’t even put words into how much I adore her blog. It isn’t a niche blog, in fact it is an anti-niche blog and she just writes about what she fancies to write about. She gives amazing tips and helpful hacks for life and not to mention, she is an amazing writer. I truly aspire to be like her, a true entrepreneur.

Out of her many posts, one of my favorites is:

Be More Productive: 15 Little Life Hacks For Your Sanity, Career, Fitness and Blog/Biz

I am going to share with you excerpts of my favorite tips she gives in this article.

Wake up earlier. Clearly I’m a big fan of waking up early to get things done. But you don’t have to wake up at 4:45 a.m. to feel that impact. Even setting your clock back 15-20 minutes more than usual will help you get a little more done in the morning to start your day on a productive note.

I especially like this tip because once you think about it, there really is so much extra you can get done if you add just a little amount of time to each of your days.

Prep for the following week on Friday afternoon. There’s no worse feeling on Monday  morning than walking into the office with no plan of action. My best weeks generally happen when I come to work with a goal and a list of to-do’s that I know will help me get to that goal. That way, on Monday, I dive right into that most important task, rather than spending the first two hours of my day ramping up

Here, she talks about when to prepare for the following week. I myself have seen this recommended multiple times and I do this by using a specific planner to plan out each day and when during the day I do which assignments.

• Plan ahead for a more happy and productive you.
• A smooth Sunday evening and Monday morning set the tone for a positive week ahead.
• If it takes less than five minutes, just do it now.

This is my last excerpt from her post as well as the most important. This sums up her entire post and she offers such great advice. Advice that I plan to take.

Jessica Lawlor has put forward such amazing advice here and I think that it is so worth mentioning on my blog because I am going to be taking this advice to heart as I begin to turn over my new leaf.