What Say You, Magic 8 Ball? (Day 14 Blog Challenge)

So, I definitely am super late on this post but oh well.

Sometimes I wonder how my life is going to end up. I have hopes, for sure, but will they come true? No idea. I could ask my magic 8 ball day in and day out if I’m going to end up skinny with a husband and 3 kids, if I’ll end up with my dream job, or if I’m going to get to do all the things I want to with the rest of my life. But, let’s face it, odds are I wont know until it happens.

In a realistic world, every side on the little die inside the 8 ball would say: “Too early to tell” or “Ask again later”, if later meant after the thing has already happened. I could check my horoscope every day and still have no concrete knowledge of the future for me.

I could see myself being many things in the future. I could end up far off track from my goals or I could stick to them, but everything changes. I could end up a cat woman, or a stay at home mom, or really anything. I have no way to know.

So, what say you, magic 8 ball, where am I going in life?

Four TV Shows That Absolutely Everyone Needs To Watch (day 13 challenge)

Okay, so I am a day or two late to this challenge, but what the hell, that’s life. Sometimes you just need a break. Anyhow There is a special thing to be said about addictions. Maybe, but not necessarily, drug or alcohol addictions, but those aren’t the point here. I’m talking about that lustful, deep, yearning and craving you get for something, say, a food, an activity, a drug or a drink, and yes, even a television show. Just think now, can you imagine the excitement you get when you are just settling down to watch your favorite show that you’ve been waiting all day or week to see? Can you feel the despair you felt when the writers left a season or a show on a major cliff-hanger? Can you faintly hear the opening sound track of every episode? I can.

Addictions are, by definition, something you think you cannot live with out. Now, short of the obvious choices of addiction, who says that they have to be a bad thing? My addiction to these TV shows fuel me to be excited for something waiting for it to come around. It is like giving water to a camel, sure they probably have enough stored in their hump, but that camel is going to be more than excited to get water when it has been in a desert for a month. That is how I feel about life, it is a desert until you water it with imagination filled books, movies, music, and TV shows.

So, “what TV shows could possibly get McKenzie so fired up?” you are probably wondering, my dear reader. So I will tell you!

1. Supernatural

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This may be my top number one show, possibly rivaled by the number two on this list. This show is about two brothers, Sam and Dean, who go off fighting evil supernatural creatures, and have to deal with pain in the ass demons, and the, sometimes corrupt, angels. This show, in ten seasons, has had more plot development, drama, action, and plot twists than I have ever seen in anything else. This show, once you get hooked in, will always leave you coming back for more. This show is one of my true addictions, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

2. Doctor Who

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To every single outsider, this show is crazy and weird. To every single insider, it is completely normal. I am so proud to call myself a fan of this TV show. This show has too much plot to simply explain it and get you hooked. I personally recommend going on Netflix, and finding season one of the new Doctor Who, starting in 2005. Watch at least the first five episodes, and I guarantee you will at least have the beginnings of being hooked. This show was a miracle worker for me – actually it should be number one on my list – this show got me through the toughest time in my life, and it was always something I enjoyed when I didn’t have anything left to enjoy.

3. American Horror Story

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This is the creepiest show I watch and by far one of my guiltiest pleasures. I don’t know what it is about this show, but it is so out of the box that I love it. Each season has a different story but with mostly the same actors, but the acting is so good that they don’t seem like the same characters. It is definitely worth a watch, you know, if you can stomach it.

4. Grey’s Anatomy

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I just love this show, and to simply put it: it fuels my medical fascination. It has got so much drama, and I can’t get enough of it. The characters and the plot change too damn much for me to be able to give you a good description of it, especially without spoiling anything. However, I definitely recommend watching a few episodes to see if you’re into it.

So that’s it for my list of hella rad TV shows, as the kids would say. (but then again, I’m only twenty)

Have you ever seen any of these shows? What are your opinions? What are your favorite shows?

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (Day 12 Challenge)

Haven’t you ever just really wanted to hear a secret from someone? Wanted to feel that awesome feeling you get when someone confides in you? It’s a craving I get frequently. I think it is common for people to want this. It is simply in the pursuit of knowledge. So, today, as per my challenge, I am going to satiate your craving for deep dirty secrets.

Confession no. 1. – I have one of the most boring lives I have ever heard of.

Confession no. 2. – I fall for people more easily than anyone, and I haven’t had the feelings reciprocated yet.

Confession no. 3. – I only have one friend that I am needy with, and I am afraid he and I will eventually lose our closeness.

I’m going to be blatantly honest. I am suffering from serious writers block today. Not only that, but I have no major confessions that I even remotely feel like publishing. Despite this being an anonymous blog (confession no. 4 – Mckenzie is my pseudonym), I have a few friends with access to reading it, and its not that I don’t trust them with everything, in fact they already know my deepest confessions, but I know that they would advise me against publicizing them. Besides, some things are worth keeping secret.

If there is anything more specific that you want to know, please don’t hesitate to ask.

Just Because My Wings Are Broken, Doesn’t Mean I Can’t Fly (challenge day 11)

This is a quote that speaks to my heart directly. As many of you may know, I have had a relatively difficult life but I have been able to pick myself up over and over again. This quote is special because it truly can be applied to anyone who has ever had a setback in life or just in any way a not perfect life. This is my soul quote. It is what keeps me going an aspiring to do more.

Another quote that I love, despite how cliched it is, is “Que Serà Serà”. The rough translation is: “Whatever happens will happen”. Basically we can’t control what happens to us, but we can control that we keep going in tough times. This quote has been one of my favorites ever since I first got sick.

In a way this are sister quotes. One is for during the trials of life, the other is for the after math, pushing you to keep going. I firmly believe that everyone has a quote or mantra that helps them to get through life. Just a little thing that helps. Anything can help.

Going through depression, anxiety, OCD, or health issues can be hard, but keep going, if I was able to do it, you can. Something that really helped me to get through these rough times, when I was despairing, or panicking, I would recite my little quotes till I calmed down. Like I said, any little thing helps.

10 Songs Everyone Needs to Hear (challenge day 9)

This is a list of my favorite songs and why. I might even go a little overboard and post more than ten, but we’ll see!

1. Little Talks cover by Julia Sheer & Jon D.

The original is by far one of my favorite songs, but this cover takes the cake. This version really emphasizes the sadness and meaning of the lyrics through the help of acoustics. This really is a beautiful song sung by two people with beautiful voices who help carry the meaning rather than making it an upbeat, misunderstood tune. My favorite thing about this song by far are the lyrics. “Don’t listen to a word I say, the screams all sound the same.” I relate to this because whenever I was in my dark days, all I knew was the relentless screaming of anxiety in my head. “and some days I can’t even dress myself.” This shows the true effect that depression and anxiety can have on a person. There are several other meaningful quotes in this song that I can’t get enough of. I just think people need to reevaluate this song to search for the true meanings of the words and find the undertone of suicidal ideations between the lines.

2. Chandelier cover by Madilyn Bailey

This is another amazing song and I think that this cover makes it more beautiful. In the original, you can’t quite tell what the artist is trying to get across unless you really analyze the lyrics, however, in this version by Madilyn Bailey, you can really get a sense of the objective. I personally think that this has to do with a girl being confined to her stereotype as a party girl, when truly she has a deeper level of emotion going through her soul. She is restrained to the thought that her type is always happy and that she can’t feel pain and she has to make secret her true pain. The fact that she’s stuck in these expectations holds her back further, because through her pain, she follows through with them, drinking till she forgets, trying to fly one last sorrowful time before she breaks. These lyrics truly speak to me and the message, I believe is quite powerful.

3. Cecilia and the Satellite by Andrew McMahon

Another little known song that has to be one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard. The music itself appeals to me so much, it has such a relaxed rhythm yet it remains upbeat and positive with undertones of hope and life. The lyrics are equally as important, they tell a story of this man who has had a hard rough experienced life where he has seen so much which has changed his heart and how he lives until he meets this “Cecilia” who turns his world around. She is the best thing he’s ever seen. He says that she lifts him up so he can see life from the positive perspective. He reiterates this by telling us that she is the sky and he is the satellite, meaning she is his whole world, and because of her he can finally see life from up above and down below. He finally has a new perspective on life and he can reassure himself and Cecilia that things are going to be alright, and I think that’s beautiful.

4. Carousel by Melanie Martinez

This song is about the game of love. It is a really very cynical grouping of lyrics if you really pay attention. You may recognize the tune from the recent teaser trailers for American Horror Story. Let it be said though, that this has nothing to the show at all. In fact, the lyrics are about being in the chase of love, which is like going around and around on a carousel and never being able to get off, doomed to go around in circles permanently. There is a great deal of disdain for the love game in this song, “and its all fun and games until somebody falls in love”. There really is no resolution to this tale, which is as it should be, because it is all about being trapped forever in an eternal loop, so you can imagine that the narrator will never truly reach an end to this eternity, therefore the song never truly ends.

5. Doll House by Melanie Martinez

This is an equally-almost-creepy but catchy song. It is about the facade of the traditional family and how the onlooker sees not what is really what’s going on. The large metaphor is the dollhouse. The traditional family and the traditional dollhouse are seen as containing the perfect family, but no one really knows what goes on when the doors close. I think that the lyrics are synonymous to the fake-ness that almost everyone can have and a plea for sanity. “Everybody thinks that we are perfect, please don’t let them look through the curtains.” This can also be a metaphor for the perfect outer walls that people put up when they have other, not so pretty things going on behind the scenes.

6. Everybody Wants to Rule the World cover by Lorde

Can I just say how powerful this song is? It is one of the most daring and real songs I have heard. It sees human kind as it is and challenges you to accept things how they are and it tells you how life is and how humans are. This song is not light at all, in fact it is one of the darkest and strongest songs I have ever heard, no objections. You may actually have already heard this cover before. You can find it in the trailer for the up and coming movie Dracula. I think that this is a perfect pairing. In Dracula, this man takes on a twisted cruel existence and his life becomes dark and that is what the song is describing in my own opinion.

7. Off to the Races by Lana Del Rey

This is another dark, almost disturbed song, despite its ability to become an ear worm. It’s about a sexually abusive, gambling father to his daughter and all the twisted results and effects of such a relationships. I tend to like the darker songs that detail the rough aspects of life and this is definitely one.

8. Fly by Sugar Ray

This is one of my feel-good songs. If I’m ever having a tough day, I can always just listen to this and relax. No one seems to give this song enough credit, I guess it’s just not the nineties anymore. What a shame. I don’t know what it is about this song or why, but I can’t but help just imagining listening to this while hammock-ing in the square on campus. It is just so peaceful and gives me a relaxed feeling. This song brings an aura of the days when people were just mellow and chilled out. Perfect.

9. Wings by Birdy

This is such a peaceful song about love. It’s a ballad of true love and how she just thinks of her undying feelings for her lover and how she would do anything to be with them. She tells how she can just get lost with this person and how blissful it can be. “We will remember tonight for the rest of our lives”, “Damn these walls”, “I would be by your side, if these wings could fly” all allude to the declaration of true love. But I also think this is not specifically saying how they are physically apart, this is a metaphor for the growing emotional distance and block forming between a despairing couple that cannot be saved.

10. A Little Party Never Killed Nobody (All We Got) by Fergie, Q-Tip, and GoonRock

This is just a fun song, and my current favorite poppy song to work out to. It doesn’t have to have a deep message to be a good song in my opinion. Here I just like like how it mixes modern techniques and older styles in the music. I also greatly appreciate the technicality of how it was all put together and the layers of the music. This song is bound to keep you up and energized and moving, not to mention how catchy it is.

11. BONUS: This Time Around by Tove Lo

Perfection.

So these are eleven of my favorite songs. Hopefully I didn’t disappoint. Comment below with your favorite songs!

Anxiety and OCD: Not a Joke (challenge day 8)

My challenge was originally to write about something that worries me, however, I came to an impasse; lots of things worry me. Frequently. Some people can respond with, “Oh, just stop worrying.” or “It’s no big deal.” It truly is a big deal to those of us with anxiety. Everything is a big deal.

It’s not an easy life to live with anxiety. The smallest thing can bring you to freak out. It is truly not something we can be able to help. That is why it is so offensive to us to be told to just calm down about something, when later we may have a full blown panic attack. The littlest thing can set us off and we will be worrying about it the whole day.

Something I have been having anxiety about the past few years is my self image. I worry about my looks and how people see me or how they think of me. Recently I have been gaining a lot of weight so naturally I have had a lot of anxiety about that. Now, to touch on a more sensitive topic of my life, I take things very personally and sensitively. Yesterday my parents were telling me that I could come to them with anything and they did so by telling me how many gay men and women they knew and some other types of people trying to show how accepting they were. This spiked my anxiety because it is related to my purely obsessional OCD. I immediately started getting thoughts along the lines of wondering if this was them thinking I was gay.

My OCD needs to be explained here though. When one has purely obsessional OCD, they tend to obsess on one topic to the point of giving them pure anxiety and panic attacks and making them check over and over again to see if their thoughts are ego dystonic or not. For example, Jerry has harm OCD, he worries daily and frequently that he secretly wants to hurt people and that frightens him because he doesn’t want to have to hurt someone. These thoughts will continue and continue until he holds a knife up to his cat to make sure he wouldn’t actually harm it. My OCD is similar but different, I obsessed about my sexuality, wondering if I was one way but freaking out because I didn’t want to have to be that one way.

I slowly recovered from the OCD but I still have my recurrences and perform my checking rituals. So naturally I worry about this, and what my parents say and this truly gives me anxiety to the point where I obsess and it won’t leave my mind. One day I hope to be fully free from this curse, but until then, all I can do is hope.

There are many things you can worry about, but only few you can change. Here’s hoping that we will get through the dry spell of our lives that contain the most anxiety, and here’s hoping for a better day.

Do you have something you are worrying about or a story to tell?

Zodiac Signs: A Myth or a Happy Coincidence (Challenge day 7)

My challenge for the day is to evaluate my zodiac sign and see how well it fits with my personality. I am also going to evaluate how the zodiac sign system could be complete bull. Could this lead to the rebuking of a highly doubted fad, or could it lead to the affirmation of the occasional accuracy of the system? My personal beliefs about the zodiac sign system are against the fact that they are accurate all the time, however we will touch on that later.

My zodiac sign is Capricorn. I shall evaluate the similarities according to the website Astrology.com. According to this, the capricorn are or do all of the following.

  1. Self Conscious
  2. Not Afraid of Hard Work
  3. Warm Up to People Once You Get to Know Them
  4. Big Thinker
  5. Hates Wasting Time
  6. Self Sufficient
  7. Level Headed
  8. Generous
  9. Cautious
  10. Withstand the Blows of a Hard Life

Now, let me just say that this could literally be the traits of anyone in the world so naturally if a person born in the timespan of capricorn, then at least one of these traits appeals to them. This makes it easy to relate to a star sign just based on the chance that you happen to have one or more of these traits. This makes the industry built around zodiac signs a fruitful one because there is a very high chance that many people will in fact relate to one or more of these zodiac traits because they are so broad.

That being said, lets evaluate how much of a Capricorn I am. Actually, all of these traits and more that have been listed on other sites accurately depict me. So I’m going to assume that this is a happy coincidence, or maybe there is a chance that zodiac signs are a real indicator of personality. I doubt that though. So let’s go over these traits.

  1. I can in fact be very self conscious and I do lack confidence in some parts of my life. However, I feel like a lot of people can relate to that, in fact, everyone can at some point in time.
  2. I am indeed not afraid of hard work, at least I like to think so, along with a lot of people I would assume.
  3. Yes. This describes me as well as the introverted population of the world.
  4. I do think big, but so does everyone else. Everyone has these big ideas and plans in mind I believe.
  5. I do hate wasting time, probably more than anything.
  6. Self Sufficiency is my number one valued trait but I am not the only person with that trait.
  7. I can in fact be level headed, but so can most people.
  8. I am very generous, but again, so are most people.
  9. I am indeed cautious because I don’t take kindly to failure.
  10. I have had a hard life, but I am still here aren’t I?

In summation, I guess I am in fact a true blue Capricorn, and I suppose if zodiac signs are a real thing, then I shall wear this label with pride.

I personally tend to hesitate against believing that zodiac signs dictate our lives. Do you believe in the Zodiac fad, and is your sign accurate?

All About Me (day 6)

So this is the day that I get to spend talking about only myself! My goal is to write thirty facts about myself. This was harder than I thought it would be, but I tried my best. So, here we go!

  1. I am currently a mechanical engineering major. – I initially really wanted to do this, but now I’m not sure.
  2. I am maybe switching to biomedical sciences. – I want to do this if I decide I want to go to med school.
  3. I might want to be a doctor and go in to pre-med. – I would want to do this because it would be directly helping people, and that is something I crave.
  4. I might want to be an aerospace engineer and go to nasa. – I would want to do this because I would be helping to further space exploration, which would help human kind as a whole by opening up a new frontier.
  5. I have some of the best friends in the world. – They love and care for me and are amazing people and I love them more than words can say.
  6. I go to the greatest school in the state – This school has some of the friendliest people in the world and I love the campus so much.
  7. I try too hard to keep friendships to the point where I’m needy. – I really just can’t help it, relationships and friendships are too important to me.
  8. I have gone through OCD, depression, anxiety, and ADD. – It really has been a struggle, but I’ve worked through them all for the time being.
  9. I have an autoimmune disorder. – See this post.
  10. I believe in equal rights for all sexualities, races, genders, and everything else. – These people who are different to you, are not hurting anyone and they deserve to be treated like humans.
  11. I do not tolerate slut shaming or other hate crimes. – They are just wrong and if you have to ask why, you need to reevaluate your attitude towards people.
  12. I love Doctor Who, Supernatural, and Greys Anatomy. – There will be a future post on my loves for these shows.
  13. I was part of the greatest organization at my school. – This organization has given me some of the best friends in the world, and for that, I couldn’t be more grateful.
  14. I love and care for everyone who is good and not hateful. – There is really enough said here.
  15. I don’t believe in love at first sight. – I just don’t think it exists, and it seems sort of shallow to me because it is based solely on looks and not the personality, which is what you should really love.
  16. I think you should marry someone who can also be your best friend. – If you can’t be friends with them and talk, then what is the point?
  17. I also think you should be able to have a separate platonic best friend – These are important so that you can have someone else to go to to talk to about your significant other.
  18. I have two special bracelets that I never take off. – One is for my organization, the other was to support artisans in Mexico.
  19. I am turning twenty soon and I am already having a mid-life crisis. – I feel so old!
  20. I have two parents who show their love by means of over protecting me. – It can be incredibly frustrating at times, and to be honest, I really don’t like it because I am an adult and I can make my own decisions.
  21. My ideal weight is 126 lbs. – I am currently well over that, but I am working hard to get down to that weight.
  22. I have the most wonderful nephew in the world. – He is adorable and perfect, he is starting to walk and talk, and he knows more sign language than I do.
  23. I want to get married relatively young. – This is ideal to me, because I want to spend as much of life as I can with my significant other.
  24. I have a fascination with space. – I don’t really know exactly why, but it is so vast and unknown.
  25. I had to spend a semester off of college. – It was for health reasons because I hit a road bump with my health.
  26. I love having casual wine girls’ nights. – Theres just something nice about it. It is relaxing and you get to have girl talk and be away from the boys for a while.
  27. Any date is a perfect date. – I would even love a cheap date as long as I could be with my significant other.
  28. I am an incredibly weird person. – Honestly though, who isn’t?
  29. I eat all foods at least once, no matter what. – I LOVE food.
  30. I can’t seem to keep my hair color the same for longer than a month. – I just have this need for change in my live and since a lot of my life is out of my hands, this is one thing that I can control

So, these are some things about me! That was exhausting. What are some things about you that you don’t mind sharing?

5 places of dreams (day 5 challenge)

My challenge for today is to write about 5 places I would like to visit.

  1. Doctor Who Themed Eatery – The Pandorica.

Even though I have New York City listed as one of my ideal destinations, this New York located restaurant deserves its own dedication on my list. This is a restaurant themed to one of my favorite shows in the entire galaxy, Doctor Who. This show was all I watched when I was sick and, already having a predisposition to liking space related anything, this time and space traveling time lord distracted me from the struggles of daily life. So, naturally it is one of my favorite TV shows. This restaurant is number one on my list because everything about the restaurant is themed to the show, from the décor down to the meals. I honestly couldn’t care if the food was delectable as long as I got to try everything and experience the atmosphere of the place.

  1. The Set of Supernatural

Supernatural is also one of my favorite TV shows. The story of the two brothers fighting evil fills my heart with a plethora of feelings that I can’t begin to describe. My dream would be to go to the set, tour it, and hopefully meet Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki, the loves of my life. Visiting the set would make my life complete and I may just be being a huge fan girl right now, but I don’t care.

  1. NASA/ISS

Since space is one of my favorite things, it just seems natural to want to go here. Seeing the headquarters of NASA and meeting with some of the directors would be absolutely fascinating and I would learn so much. Not to mention the experience of getting to travel to the International space station. These are not common things that people get to experience and I just think it would be so special to do so. This would be the opportunity of a lifetime.

  1. England

England has always fascinated me. It’s such a different place than the states and I would like to experience that. Not to mention visiting the Harry Potter set. To tour that would be a dream coming true. Harry Potter has always been a part of my childhood and I have always been a fan. Harry Potter is special to me because it was the first thing I had ever become such a die-hard fan of. If I could even get the chance to meet any of the cast or J. K. Rowling, I would die from happiness, especially after having visited the very set where the movies were made.

  1. New York

New york is a place of sites and sounds. The hustle and bustle of a big city has always enticed me. There is so much to do and see in New York. I would want to see SNL live, I would more than anything love to see a Broadway show, on Broadway, there is also the Pandorica, Coney Island, and Times Square. These may all seem frivolous things to see and do, but they are truly on my bucket list and are important to me.

So these are the places I so desire to journey to. Where do you want to visit?